When does chimpanzee become more Beautiful than Wife?

My dear Son,

Human beings by nature want to have everything they need or desire. They make lots of efforts to get what they are fond of. But once they acquire their object of desire, it loses its allure, even if it was hitherto considered desirable. 

In this insatiable greed of experiencing novel and thrilling sensations, they hanker after newer acquisitions and more challenging conquests.  

What is already in their possession soon becomes boring and mundane. It is human nature to dwell upon what is not in our possession, while overlooking what we already have.

This psychological fact is true regarding our spouses as well. A man may look at other women and find them more desirable, for the simple reason that they are unattainable. This concept is beautifully expressed in the proverb, "the grass is always greener on the other side”.

The unexplored has an aura of mystery and allure to it, while the familiar does not offer much for anticipation. It is for this reason that at the beginning of marital life, he considers his wife more beautiful than every other woman; but with the passage of time, he starts perceiving all the women as more attractive than his wife. These are only his feelings, they do not reflect the reality. 

In Islam there is a practical, foolproof solution to avoid such deceptive feelings. You have to lower your gaze. If you are accustomed to checking out women, mixing freely with them, interacting with them, familiarising yourself with their seductive charms; naturally you will compare between the women, and end up seeing your wife in poor light, because no two women are the same in the world. If you don't look at any marriageable woman except your wife, then she remains attractive or evergreen in your mind. 

You must have heard the story of 'LailahMajnu'. People mocked Majnoon due to his fascination with Lailah, who happened to be dark and ugly. He said: Lailah should be seen through the eyes of Majnoon.

Similarly, if you like your wife, naturally she becomes the most beautiful woman in the world. If you don't like her, she won’t be attractive even if she is the prettiest woman of the world. So, the problem is not in your wife the problem is in your mind.

Keeping this point in mind, we can surmise that if you were to marry all the women in the world, then you would find even chimpanzees to be more attractive than all the women! The problem is not with the women, the problem is in your perception. If you don't control your roving eye, your covetousness, your lusts, and always run after new sensory pleasures and experiences, then you won't be satisfied with any number of women, even if they are the Houries of Jannah. 

That is why Allah has ordered us to lower our gazes from all the marriageable women, except our wives.

If you want to enjoy the company of the most beautiful and attractive woman in the world, then the simple formula is to not look at any marriageable woman. By doing this, your wife becomes the most beautiful and loving woman. 

Know that whatever you don’t have is always fascinating, but the moment you have it; it loses the importance. 

Therefore, be satisfied with what you have and don't chase after what you don't have.

Remember that the hearts are in the control of Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala. Hence, keep making Du'a to Allah Subhanahu to beautify your wife in your eyes, and nurture her love in your heart. 

Wish you a happy life.

Sheikh Abdus Salam al Madani 

Founder,

Aspire College of Excellence (Chennai and Bangalore)