Don't Try To Change The Values Of Allah

My eldest brother got married in 1973 and my youngest one in 1993. You can imagine the difference between them in terms of age, status, position, wealth and maturity.

Some time after my youngest brother's engagement and just before his wedding date, my mother was frantic because my brother is refusing to go ahead with his wedding.

When I enquired from him the reason for his refusal, he said that it was because he felt overwhelmed by the unrealistic expectations and demands of his family members.

This is a typical problem in our Indian community, where we tolerate the coercive, inter familial bullying for the maintenance of appearances and the pretence of upward mobility. This subtle acceptance of injustice within the family to uphold social expectations leads to a lot of conflict and confusions.

It is an oversimplified rationale that allows the family elders to subject their more successful members to a guilt trip for not 'sponsoring' the social ascent of the combined family. It is this same mindset that lends credence to the belief that hard-working, self sacrificing, well settled siblings should compulsorily share their fortunes with their brothers and sisters, otherwise they will be considered selfish and treacherous.

Many brothers are unable keep their newly married wives with them, because they are pressurized into sending money for the general upkeep of their extended family. So, he ends up being good to his family members at the expense of the rights and feelings of his innocent bride.

Also, he is depriving his own children of fatherly love and affection. How will Allah bless such a family and their wealth, where a young wife and her children are prevented from being with their husband and father, on the pretext of maintaining the combined family standards???

I have come across many such incidents in which the parents on either side, have taken the bridal dress or the jewelry before the new bride could wear it to her heart's content; for the use of their other children. I strongly believe that they would have taken the color of her bridal henna if they had a use for it.

The sad part of this scenario is the active involvement of the parents in perpetuating this injustice. They make forceful demands on their well-off child to support their less fortunate children.

They must keep in mind that Allah has made differing levels in His creations, and we must accept it as His divine decree; rather than commit injustice to bring about financial uniformity.

Another shameful facet of this trend is that innocent brides are being tortured mentally, and at times physically also, because their brothers are rich, and they are expected to secure some financial leverage and benefits due to it.

I don't know what is the mistake of that innocent girl if her brother is rich?? By Allah, we are ignoring this subtle, insidious cancers within our families, while being concerned about the injustice of 'governments' and 'RBS' organisations.

If we really ponder and analyse, we will understand that the injustice which is being practiced within our own families is way more uglier and lethal than the one practised by others.

I would like to advise all the mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters that we must accept the level and fortune decreed for us by Allah. We must have Tawakkul on Allah and make dua to Him for the betterment of our situation. And we must not emotionally coerce anyone to part with their money for the social advancement of their relatives.

These self appointed, 'familial socialists', with their ideas of 'collective ownership' and 'common welfare', need to be very careful that their unwarranted financial interventions may earn them the wrath of Allah (SWT).

Yes, there is a difference between 'being kind' and 'being forced to be kind'.

There is no doubt that Islam always encourages us to be considerate and charitable towards all, especially towards our family members, but we should not allow the forcible, emotionally manipulative extraction of funds in the guise of discretionary charity.

Sheikh Abdus Salam al-Madani